Hikikomori by Bang Yongguk : a song that explain my feelings.

Bang Yongguk just released a song with the title of "Hikikomori", a song that strangely represent loneliness or desperation. Hikikomori is by far, the most personal song i’ve ever heard. A beautiful yet scary song about depression. The emotions just overflowing through every single frame and hits me. Like, a lot.

Let's take a look what's this song was about and see my perspective.

Firstly, let's watch the music video!

....seems exhausting, rite?

In Japan, hikikomori (Japanese: ひきこもり or 引きこもり, lit. "pulling inward, being confined", i.e., "acute social withdrawal"; colloquially/adaptive translation: shut-in) are reclusive adolescents or adults who withdraw from society and seek extreme degrees of isolation and confinement.[1] Hikikomori refers to both the phenomenon in general and the recluses themselves. Hikikomori have been described as loners or "modern-day hermits".

from wikipedia. 

 “Hikikomori” is a term that means “Person who lives in seclusion” and is used to described people who stay in their rooms, or those who avoid personal relations. This term came from phenomenon in Japan.

Bang Yongguk used the "Hikikomori" term to describe how the look inside of himself during his battle with depression, as well as to describe people who are lost in anguish as they spend time by themselves.

For some reason, i think Hikikomori is similiar with Agoraphobia.

Agoraphobia (ag-uh-ruh-FOE-be-uh) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed. You fear an actual or anticipated situation, such as using public transportation, being in open or enclosed spaces, standing in line, or being in a crowd.

People with agoraphobia often have a hard time feeling safe in any public place, especially where crowds gather. You may feel that you need a companion, such as a relative or friend, to go with you to public places. The fear can be so overwhelming that you may feel unable to leave your home.

In the case of Agoraphobia people avoid going outside because they’re anxious about having a panic attack. Yet for Hikikomori—they refuse going out mostly because they’re embarrassed. They feel they’re making people around them uncomfortable and they’re embarrassed by that.

Bang Yong Guk ever said said,

“I believe there are many people out in the world who have that ‘Hikikomori’ side to them. This song is about me, but it’s a song that most people can relate to through similar experiences. I made this song hoping that each person who listens to it has their own interpretation of it. I want to tell the fans who waited for me that I respect them, and I hope to keep making music that not only reflects my own story, but the stories of others as well.”

“Hikikomori” is the physical interpretation of anxiety and depression. It was the first time I’ve ever seen anyone accurately portray it. It's beautiful and scary at the same time. Perhaps it's because the reality of many people.

Many people suffer from anxiety, depression, and other disorders but very few have the courage to talk about it so openly so that they can help others who are suffering through the same.

You honestly don't even need to have anxiety or depression to understand how much pain in the song. the emotion is just so raw and real. It really is quite realistic MV.

Even without the video and english translation you can feel the depth of emotion in the song and his voice.

"we become friends of a lonely angel"

"I want to avoid the world"

"Im a freak in the mirror"

"darkness becomes my light"

"I'll be hiding in my room with a bruise"

"why would anyone consider all wounds have the same depth"

"I'm dying everyday, whats real for me when i live"

"Split normal and abnormal"

I'm Hikikomori Hikikomori

Hikiko, i’ve got a blank head

Hikikomori Hikikomori

Sad, empty-hearted me.

Also letting people know of your own raw emotions like this is scary but brave and it helps others that people do understand and have also been there.

Especially when the lyric says "If you love me, can't you leave me alone", I can relate it on spiritual level. I am doing the same too, I tend to push everyone who loves me away.

Lastly, the ending part is... my favorite scene.

The ending part of the music video is when you just feel like you're going insane and randomly laugh like a psychopath. That feeling is the one of the worst.

--but which one would be worser, not feel anything or feel it all at the same time?

Both of them are horrible. It just really hurt, sometimes you even feel like you've lost your mind.

The ending where he's just laughing on the table really hit me. I interpreted it as reaching the point where you feel your life is going downhill and you've never felt in control of it no matter how hard you tried.

You're only able to sit back for so long until the isolation consumes you and it amuses you (in a dark way) that you laugh because of the overwhelming intoxication from all the feelings you've bottled up.

Your only interpretation of the mess in your head is that your just another pawn in this world where life has fucked you over. And that laughter is like the last  string keeping this person sane and alive.

Another important thing to know is that some people are diagnosed with depression / anxiety without major event that caused it, some are just born and have periods where you feel trapped. The fact he could be famous while dealing with this is why I admire him so much.

I have so much respect for Yongguk for the fact that he did not let his demons win. The world needs people like him. People who give others, going thought the same thing, a reason to keep going

If any of you are consumed with the constant feeling of hopelessness, please reach out. Talk. Speak out. There will always be ears ready to listen in the most unexpected of places.

To all the peoples who listens to this song or might be reading this: "stop, take a deep breath, cry until you'll feel better and fight for freedom".

Thank you for reading!